2.24.23 Putin’s American allies get louder

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like other newsletters wish they could. Except Politico. Bunch of fucking squares over there.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots, and welcome to the motherflipplin’ weekend! We don’t know about y’all, but we sure are ready for it. We’re seven years into stupid and things somehow keep getting dumber. If you’re exhausted, we get it.

Frankly, you should be exhausted. And burnt out. And hoarse from cussing. And maybe even looking for real estate in Canada. Because the sick dumb fucks we’re up against are relentless. It’s like some truly deranged monster plugs Ted Cruz in and recharges him every fucking night. We keep beating them back and saving our democracy and they keep coming back like an Energizer Bunny that should NOT be wearing fucking skinny jeans as it sneaks off to Cancun while its constituents are freezing to death.

But they don’t know who they’re fucking with. We might be worn out, but we’re also Americans. And the more they piss us off, the more we want to fight. And while it might seem sometimes like they’re getting away with their crimes against this country, try to have a little faith in your fellow American. You just never know when they’ll take to the streets to cuss out Rudy Giuliani and make you proud.

Note two: To those super sexy patriots calling Rudy a fucking traitor, we offer a TBS salute. And to everybody else, hang in there, get some rest this weekend and please be good to yourselves. We love y’all, and we know that these unprecedented times make for some unprecedented stress. Keep your heads up, SPs. And if you see Rudy, please cuss him to hell and back for us.

Note three: Marianne Williamson is running for president again. There are probably some people who will take that silly shit seriously. None of those people work for this newsletter. More: Independent

Note four: A couple of television notes — Succession is ending after this season and that’s sad. The good news is the Party Down reboot is now streaming and we know what we’re doing this weekend.

Note five: Always always always read Margaret Sullivan… More: The Guardian

Note six: Kyrsten Sinema is corrupt as fuck and we hope she’s enjoying her last couple years as a senator.

Note seven: Glenn Youngkin appointed a racist nutjob who wants to win “the soul” of UVA. We’d like to once again offer a giant FUCK YOU to every reporter and pundit who told us fleece vest klansman was a moderate. More: WaPo

Note eight: Something we don’t talk about enough is how much we love Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen. That’s probably because it’s weird to love a treasury secretary. But she made us proud staring down Russian assholes at the G-20. And the economy ain’t doing too bad neither. More: Reuters

Note nine: Republicans want to make the AR-15 America’s national gun. Keep going, dumbfucks. We really enjoy winning big suburbs that are filled with people who don’t want their kids shot. More: MSNBC

Note 10: The New York Times wrote a puff piece about what a great and kooky person Elizabeth Koch is. They are a PR firm for rich white people, and we just need to accept it. NO FUCKING LINK

Note 11: The Republican Party has basically just become a joke that was cut from Blazing Saddles because it was too dumb to believe. Here’s some authentic frontier gibberish…

Note 12: So Trump was moving the classified files around. Seems pretty damn different than just accidentally taking a few with you. More: CNN

Note 13: Seriously these people are fucking deranged. More: ADN

Note 14: It snowed in LA yesterday. That ain’t supposed to happen. More: CNN

Note 15: We’re not here to defend Mayor Pete, but this seems like a pretty damn good point to us…

Note 16: Scott Perry needs to go to prison. Like two goddamn years ago. More: NBC

Note 17: The Republican Party is holding its first presidential debate in August in Milwaukee. It will be especially challenging for the candidates who think Milwaukee was long ago burned to the ground by ghosts and antifa. More: NBC

Note 18: We really like our Senate candidate from Montana.

Note 19: So the Dilbert guy is a real racist fucking psycho. He’s the bizzaro Charles Schultz who was beloved and nice and made a comic that was actually funny. Fuck Dilbert. Fuck Dogbert. And fuck the racist piece of shit who came up with them. More: Daily Beast

Note 20: And on that infuriating note, let’s go do some news and then go do some weekend. We love y’all, and we hope you’re holding up ok as the shit-rain of stupid keeps coming down. Have a great weekend, SPs. Be good to yourselves.

Fuck Ron

The national media is very busy kissing Ron DeSantis’s ass so he’ll lie to them so you might not have heard about the students in Florida who are fighting back against DeShithead’s attack on their education. Yesterday college students all over the state walked out as a fuck you to their deranged racist asshole governor. DeSantis is also in a fight with Andrea Mitchell, and we don’t really give a shit who wins that one.

More: ABC

LOLOL

Remember when Trump had some out-of-work actors come to the White House and do a live reading of a play some trashy moron had written about Peter Strzok and Lisa Page? Remember how gross that was? Well payback is a motherfucker. Yesterday a judge ruled that Strzok can depose Trump and Chris Wray as part of their wrongful termination suits. The catch — the judge left open the possibility that Biden and Merrick Garland can invoke executive privilege so Trump doesn’t have to talk. And all we can say is they better fucking not.

More: CNBC

One year

Hard to believe it has been a year since Russia fucked up and invaded Ukraine. A year of making them regret that shit. As the good folks on Snake Island said, Russia warship, go fuck yourself. We continue to send our love and stand in awe of the bravery of the Ukrainian people. You might have noticed our Republican friends don’t feel that way. In fact, you might have seen them on Tucker Carlson using Russian talking points and stepping up their attacks on Zelensky. We can only think of one way to respond — Republican warship, go fuck yourself.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

A federal judge may rule as soon as Friday on a lawsuit seeking to block the use of medication abortion nationwide, in the biggest abortion-related case since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade last year.

The lawsuit, filed in November by anti-abortion advocates against the US Food and Drug Administration, targets the agency’s two-decade-old approval of mifepristone, the first drug in the medication abortion process. More: CNN

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