2.23.24 Here we go again

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Tommy Tuberville is its OB-GYN.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we made it to the weekend but not without collecting a few truckloads of fucked up shit along the way. The consequences of Alabama’sTaliban state Supreme Court are continuing to shock the living hell out of us and then you got dumbshits like this who clearly have no idea what’s happening…

Oof. Maybe the Alabama Supreme Court should try to figure out if that dumb motherfucker is actually a human. We’d bet on a split decision. Anyway, if you’re like us you’ve spent this week freaked the fuck out and horrified by what’s happening and thinking a great deal about what those sonsofbitches will do next. So to get to the bottom of what’s happening and what’s coming, here’s an interview with a frozen unimplanted embryo…

TBS: Hello, frozen unimplanted embryo. Thanks for joining us!

Frozen unimplanted embryo:

TBS: Um ok. So are you concerned that so-called pro-lifers just made sure that lots of people won’t be able to have children?

Frozen unimplanted embryo:

TBS: Uh. Do you think Tommy Tuberville is the stupidest person in the whole damn world?

Frozen unimplanted embryo:

TBS: Are you not answering us because you’re not actually a person?

Frozen unimplanted embryo:

TBS: Oh ok. Do you think that shit should be obvious to even the most deranged religious extremist creep?

Frozen unimplanted embryo:

TBS: Ok well thanks for joining us.

Need we say more? Y’all have a blessed day and a great weekend.

Note two: If you think that interview was good, you’re gonna love the one we did on this week’s podcast. That’s right. We got an interview with Putin. And we went a very different route than Tucker Carlson did. Join us at This Week’s Big Stuff and help us keep this cussing newsletter alive and kicking. More: Patreon

Note three: Trump gave a late night speech in Nashville last night that was all about his plans to turn America into a right-wing Christian wet dream. Yes, it was as terrifying and incoherent as it sounds. More: AP

Note four: Yesterday Joe Biden met with Alexei Navlany’s wife and daughter and gave them a hug and some comfort. Republicans are doing the same for Putin. More: Politico

Note five: So seriously the Jesus freak creepshow is getting loud and scary. Y’all want these sick fucks regulating your sex life? We didn’t think so.

Note six: At CPAC, Jan. 6 was a good thing. More: Independent

Note seven: Thanks to Democrats like our friend Sen. Bob Duff for stepping up to protect American elections. More: CT Mirror

Note eight: Marjorie Taylor Greene said she “could care less” about who killed Navalny. Hint — it was Putin. Second hint — the expression is actually couldn’t care less. Third hint — Marjorie is human garbage. More: NBC

Note nine: We landed on the moon yesterday. We won’t get all cheesy and poetic on you, but we will say we love this shit. More: CNN

Note 10: These horrible sonsofbitches are telling us what they’re going to do. Is America listening?

Note 11: There were a shitload more layoffs in the media world. Vice is basically dead, and WAMU killed DCist. This is not good. Not good at all.

Note 12: Republicans’ Russian friend (we should really be more specific) was re-arrested yesterday. We didn’t even know that was a thing. More: CNN

Note 13: So the Biden impeachment bullshit is totally falling apart. The WaPo editorial board is calling it a joke and Politico is reporting the votes aren’t there. Maybe we should remember all the time these assholes spent on this crap when the government shuts down. More: Politico

Note 14: How the fuck can you arrest a journalist for doing journalism? Arrest Tucker instead! More: Rolling Stone

Note 15: We’d bet a thousand bucks that Tommy here thinks girls pee out of their uteruses.

Note 16: Texas is doing some really racist shit, and we are livid. We’ve told you about the young Black man the state is trying to force into a haircut. Well yesterday a judge sided with the school district. This is some bullshit. More: AP

Note 17: We are now up to three clinics in Alabama that have paused IVF services. This is what the GOP wanted and they are not going to stop. More: NBC

Note 18: HUGE congratulations to Harry Dunn, whose congressional campaign reported raising $2.75 million!!! Thank you to everyone who contributed. More: The Hill

Note 19: We like to end on a happy note. Today we’re going to end on two happy notes because we want to send y’all into the weekend smiling. First, No Labels bullshit presidential bid is tanking. LOL. Sucks for them. More: New Republic

Note 20: And for the second happy note, please join us in congratulating Jennifer King, who was recently named offensive assistant coach for the Chicago Bears. Woohoo! More: NBC Sports Chicago

Note 21: And on that awesome note, let’s go do some news! We don’t know about y’all, but we’re getting damn ready to take this fight to the sick-os, the freaks and the creeps out there. Fuck those people. Love y’all!

Here we go again

With a corrupt and broken Supreme Court getting their backs, Republicans are stepping up their attacks on same-sex marriage. In Tennessee yesterday, the governor signed legislation that says officials don’t have to perform same-sex marriages if they don’t want to. Remember when that trash Kentucky clerk went to jail for this shit? Well they’re trying to make people like her legit. Scary times, y’all. Nashville and Memphis are so cool. Why can’t the rest of the state stop sucking for like five minutes?

More: NBC

About damn time

Today Rep. Jerry Nadler called on Merrick Garland and DOJ to launch an investigation into how and why Republicans came to use a Russian intel source to smear the president of the United States and his family. Fucking finally. We have no idea what the Democratic-led U.S. Senate is doing, but it’s not launching any kind of investigation like this even though it damn well should be. We need to see more Democrats step up like Nadler has. Or else Republicans will get away with this shit. Again.

More: RawStory

Fuck you, Dan

Doug Dan Don Phillips needs to drop out and go the fuck away. We already didn’t like the dude, but now we know that someone affiliated with his campaign was behind that New Hampshire robocall that used a deepfake of Joe Biden’s voice to tell people not to vote in the primary. Yeah, a Democratic consultant who has worked with Phillips hired a magician to make the call. It’s a very weird and ugly story. The Phillips campaign is trying to distance itself from the consultant, the magician and the call, but this is the kind of thing that happens when you try to burn everything down. Drop out, Dan!

More: NBC

Today’s clips

NBC Nightly News interviewed a woman at CPAC about the Alabama Supreme Court’s ruling that frozen embryos are legally children. The network did not mention that the woman, Dawn Bancroft, previously pleaded guilty in federal court to a misdemeanor charge and was sentenced to 60 days in prison for her participation in the January 6 attack on the Capitol. More: Media Matters

The United States and the European Union are piling new sanctions on Russia on the eve of the second anniversary of its invasion of Ukraine and in retaliation for the death of noted Kremlin critic Alexei Navalny last week in an Arctic penal colony. More: HuffPost

Former President Donald Trump urged a Florida judge to dismiss the criminal case charging him with illegally retaining classified documents, claiming in part that presidential immunity protects him from prosecution even as that sweeping argument has so far in failed in federal appeals courts in a separate case. More: HuffPost