2.22.24 Can’t stop won’t stop

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it knew all along those sick fuckers weren’t gonna stop with Roe.

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! Remember those commercials with Captain Obvious? Well we would like to introduce you to his commanding officer — General No Fucking Shit. You’ll want to know him and keep him nearby so when someone like your favorite cussing newsletter says “hey you know what, I don’t think that Nikki Haley is quite the moderate the mainstream media keeps saying she is” then you can call on the general and be like yeah no fucking shit…

Um yeah, Nikki Haley ain’t no moderate. And the choir said no fucking shit. But this brings us to a larger point — how fucking awful is Trump that he can make someone who is also fucking awful like Nikki Haley seem like a goddamn moderate? It seems like every dang day the story goes like this…

Haley: Donald Trump is a destructive anti-American force and we should turn the page on him so we can force women who don’t have babies to build a statue of him and then put rockets in it and shoot it to Jupiter where we will have a child tax credit and Jan. 6 was bad but I’ll pardon Trump and eat some of his poop because it’s awesome and delicious.

It’s like Hey Nikki, do you think we can’t see all that Trumpian crazy you keep trojan horsing in your remarks? What do you think we are? New York Times reporters? Well we’re not buying it. So go eat poop on Jupiter by yourself, Nikki. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The MyPillow d-bag might just be the most pathetic man in America. It’s hard to describe how hilarious we find this shit. More: HuffPost

Note three: Want to see some fun and exciting polling out of Arizona? Bye, Kirsten! More: The Hill

Note four: We’re gonna talk more about this fucking creep in the news section but it seems pretty messed up to us that the Alabama Supreme Court chief justice is hanging out with QAnon folks and talking about forcing his religion on everyone. More: Media Matters

Note five: The Secret Service is corrupt and Trump. We stand with Commander.

Note six: Haley ain’t gonna win anything. But she did outraise Trump last month. And she probably didn’t have to spend it on legal bills for being a fraud and a rapist. More: MSNBC

Note seven: The Megan McCain-Kari Lake battle is just way too entertaining. If you made this a reality show, well, nobody would watch. But it’s still pretty fun. More: HuffPost

Note eight: Last night at a fundraiser, Joe Biden said Republicans are worse than Strom Thurmond. We tend to agree. More: Forbes

Note nine: Matt Schlapp is banning liberal media outlets from CPAC. We don’t know if that means us, but we’d like to say thank you either way. More: Deadline

Note 10: Orange you glad Joe Biden never asks us to pay his legal bills?

Note 11: Also, if you’re a Teamster, you’re joining that effort. Seems like that money could have gone to the most pro-union president in history and not the people who have devoted their lives to destroying unions. What a fucking joke. More: Axios

Note 12: This Alabama stuff is so fucked up, y’all.

Note 13: Did your cell phone stop working yesterday morning? Did you revert to caveman times? We basically just stopped in the middle of the street and curled up in the fetal position until we got a signal. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Tulsi Gabbard is headlining a fundraiser for Trump at Mar-a-Lago. Remember when she pretended to be a Democrat? More: The Hill

Note 15: There just is not nearly enough news coverage about how fucking scary a second Trump term will be…

Note 16: Every news outlet that wrote up this poll focused on Biden’s age. Our focus is on Biden beating Trump by four points. More: Quinnipiac

Note 17: Congratulations to Beyonce on becoming the first Black woman to have the top spot on Billboard’s country music chart. Ain’t nothing she can’t do. More: Billboard

Note 18: It’s just beyond insane that a Texas judge is getting to decide if a Black student can wear his hair however the hell he wants. We’ve really taken some giant leaps backwards in this country. More: AP

Note 19: Let’s end on a happy note. Today’s happy note is a Dr. Jill Biden appreciation post. While Republicans remain opposed to women’s health, Dr. Biden just announced a major investment in it. Thanks, FLOTUS! More: AP

Note 20: And on that lovely note, let’s go do some news! The week is almost over, and it’s just crazy how fast February has flown by. Not as crazy as Nikki Haley talking about frozen embryos, but still pretty fucking crazy. Love y’all!

Jesus, Alabama

So shit in Alabama is royally fucked up. We already mentioned the QAnon-loving Jesus freak judge who wants to force his religion on everyone. But yesterday, as a result of the state Supreme Court’s ruling that frozen unimplanted embryos are actually children, the Unviersity of Alabama at Birmingham has stopped doing IVF because they’re worried about being prosecuted and sued. This shit is so insane that even Politico is asking Republican politicians about it. And you better believe that Republicans aren’t gonna stop with Alabama just like they didn’t stop when they overturned Roe. So people can keep talking about Joe Biden’s age, but this is the kind of shit we’re voting to stop in November.

More: AP

MAGA Mike

There’s a lot of fake Christian stuff in the news section today. And apparently even Republicans are sick of it. Yeah, the GOP did their retreat and instead of figuring out how to keep the government running or stop Putin from taking Ukraine, Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson apparently turned everything into a sermon about god and America’s moral rot. And even Mike’s Republican buddies thought it was over the top. Maybe these sick fucks should stop telling us all how to live, especially since they started worshipping an orange gameshow host.

More: Politico

Can’t stop won’t stop

House Republicans hinged their whole impeachment push on made-up bullshit from a Russian plant. And instead of apologizing to the American people for their treason, they are now saying that those lies were never central to their case and pushing ahead. Yes, this is truly fucked up. Even the press are calling them out in ways we haven’t seen yet, so maybe we’ll get some real accountability. Or maybe the Putin party will keep doing whatever they can to tarnish and smear the one president who has the guts to take on Russia and not kiss Putin’s ass.

More: ABC, CNN

Today’s clips

Joe Biden and his campaign know they’re paying a political price with some voters by not calling for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza. But inside the critical battleground state of Michigan, some Democrats fear the president’s team doesn’t appreciate the depths of discontent from Arab-American and young voters over Biden’s response to the Israel-Hamas war. And they worry that even a widely expected protest vote in next week’s primary won’t give them the wakeup call that’s needed. More: Politico

As Donald Trump continues to glorify the accused and convicted criminals who beat and maimed police officers as part of his Jan. 6, 2021, coup attempt, he appears to have unlikely allies: police unions, who thus far have not offered a single word of criticism. More: HuffPost