2.21.24 Russia, Russia, Russia

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like a CNN reporter.

Note: Sexy Patriots, you already know this but it ain’t just us. It ain’t just us cussing up a storm these days. We know Dark Brandon does it. We know you do it. And we know we do it. Yeah, eight fucking years of that orange fuckhead breaking our fucking brains has us all cussing like fucking sailors who like to fucking cuss and shit. And now it has even spread to the both-sides butts at CNN…

LOLOL! Seems like a good strategy. And some accurate journalism. Look, we’ve known for a while that Today’s Big Stuff is the future of journalism. We’ve wondered for a while why we’re the only ones cussing about the news. It seemed like it was only a matter of time until journalists morphed into a bunch of of wide-eyed pants-pissing lunatics losing their minds watching the news and screaming “FUUUUUUUCCKKKK SHIIIIIIITTTTT NOOOOOOO!!!.” A whole generation of serious news-gathering reporters sobbing hysterically, laughing maniacally, dropping f-bombs and making endless poop jokes about Rudy Giuliani. We just had no idea it would happen this soon. Still, it’s nice to be a trend-setter even if that trend is hollering bad words to cope with existential threats to America’s soul.

So welcome to the club, CNN. You’re gonna fucking hate it here. Mostly because of Trump’s crazy shit. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Speaking of scary shit to cuss about, we ain’t letting that Alabama story go. This is a pretty smart look at how Sam Alito is to blame for that scary shit. More: Slate

Note three: Nex Benedict. Read the story. Remember the name. Stand up to bullies. More: Independent

Note four: Sigh. Republicans are on vacation for two weeks and planning to shut down the government when they get back. Maybe it’s just us but these fucking idiots don’t seem all that great at their jobs. More: Axios

Note five: Last night on Fox, Trump said he’s doing great with women voters. This is how his spokesman responded to Nikki Haley yesterday. Not sure how to reconcile those two things unless Trump is just a goddamn liar.

Note six: Haley was defiant yesterday that she won’t drop out, she won’t stop criticizing Trump and she won’t win a single state. We added that last part, but we are hoping she keeps going. More: CNN

Note seven: We’re gonna talk a lot about Russia in today’s edition, but we wanted to make sure you saw that Biden said yesterday that the administration is rolling out new sanctions on Friday in response to Alexei Navalny’s murder. More: HuffPost

Note eight: We also want to make sure you know that the sick orange fuck who attacked our Capitol and raped E. Jean Carroll doesn’t have a single goddamn thing in common with Navalny. But he thinks he does. What an asshole. More: AP

Note nine: Trump has still not condemned Putin for killing Navalny. Yeah, we know you’re shocked.

Note 10: Megan McCain is the worst. Except for Kari Lake, who is the worster.

Note 11: Yesterday we called out Rep. Tlaib’s call for Michigan voters to choose uncommitted over Joe Biden. We stand by our belief that this is counterproductive, but we sure as hell don’t want to be glib about the destruction and killing we’re seeing in Gaza. We also don’t want to be glib about what happened last October. We’re really just horrified, sad and unsure of what to do or say. More: Politico

Note 12: A group of 13 Senate Republicans are calling for Mitch McConnell to make Secretary Mayorkas’s impeachment trial a thing. Sorry to those unlucky 13, but that shit ain’t happening. More: CBS

Note 13: Anybody else sick and tired of lectures about good journalism from the But Her Emails people? More: Daily Beast

Note 14: Measles is really having a moment. Congrats to RFK Jr., Donald Trump and the rest of their ilk. More: HuffPost

Note 15: Cocky Dark Brandon is our favorite Dark Brandon. We also like Ice Cream Dark Brandon.

Note 16: We normally want to vomit doodie when we hear Trump talk. But we have to admit we laugh our freaking asses off every time he trashes mail-in voting. And yeah this is a link to Fox News and no we don’t feel good about it. More: Fox

Note 17: Our friend Rex Chapman has a book coming out next week. Sam read it a few weeks back, and it is a brutally honest look at racism and addiction. Rex has been a vocal warrior for democracy and decency, and we highly recommend his memoir. More: Amazon

Note 18: LOL. NY AG Letitia James said she’s ready to seize Trump’s buildings if he doesn’t pay up. We love this so fucking much. More: ABC

Note 19: Our closing happy note today is an obvious one — Dark Brandon is canceling more student loans. This time its for more than 150,000 people. He’s doing the work. A lot of folks just don’t want to see it. Thanks, Dark Brandon. More: NBC

Note 20: And on that wonderful note, let’s go do some news! Thank you to you beautiful Sexy Patriots for joining us. It must be cool to know you were with the cussing news long before it went mainstream. But you’re pretty cool too. Love y’all!

Peter Peter Bullshit Eater

Ok so that wasn’t really that clever. Still, Peter Navarro sucks. You might remember that he was recently sentenced to four months in prison for defying a subpoena from the Jan. 6 committee. Well now he looks to be in even more shit for refusing to turn over documents that are covered under the Presidential Records Act. We’re beginning to think all these Trump kiss-asses are criminals. Mostly because of all the crimes they do.

More: CNN

On Wisconsin

Republicans finally found a candidate to take on Sen. Tammy Baldwin. They just had to go to California to find him. Yeah, super rich Orange County dude bro Eric Hovde formally announced his campaign against Baldwin yesterday. And he has a serious Dr. Oz problem. Our favorite fact about him that Wisconsin Democrats have unearthed is that he was one of Orange County’s most influential people three years in a row. LOL. Good luck selling that shit in the Badger State, Eric.

More: NBC

Russia, Russia, Russia

So it has been really fucking obvious for a really long fucking time that the Republican Party is working for Putin. But yesterday really put some meat on the bone of that allegation. The Republican special counsel who is investigating Hunter Biden charged the man who is behind all of the GOP’s attacks on the Bidens with lying to the FBI. And when the FBI interviewed this dude, he said he gets all his shit from the Russian intel officers he meets with. The government was trying to keep this guy in custody to keep him from falling off a balcony or getting sudden radiation poisoning, but for some reason a judge let him go. Regardless, we now for sure know that House Republicans have been using a Russian spy to smear and impeach the president of the United States. So fuck them and their handlers.

More: Independent

Today’s clips

The United States vetoed an Arab-backed U.N. resolution Tuesday demanding an immediate humanitarian cease-fire in the Israel-Hamas war in the embattled Gaza Strip. More: HuffPost

Four leading candidates in California’s U.S. Senate race will get their last chance to stand out in the final debate before voters head to the polls for the March primary. More: NBC LA