2.20.23 A Very Special Presidents Day Edition.

2.20.23

It’s Monday. There are 624 days until the presidential election. A Very Special Presidents Day Edition.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Even when it’s totally fucking inappropriate.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We’re so sorry to bother you on P-Day. We swore we wouldn’t interrupt your peace with our hysterical bullshit, but this is important.

You might have seen that former President Jimmy Carter has entered hospice care. You might have also been somewhat saddened to think about such a kind and decent man passing away. Maybe you immediately thought about how he should be the standard for how ex-presidents live their post-presidency. Or maybe you wondered what the fuck is wrong with a country that chose a cheap Hollywood asshole instead. Or maybe you just listened to the Allman Brothers Eat a Peach which is really one of the greatest albums of all time and always makes us think of the former president. Or maybe you’re just thinking about all the good that sweet man did with his time here on Earth and how that compares to a certain orange shithead.

That’s basically what our thought process was this weekend, so we just wanted to take a moment to celebrate someone who was just way too fucking good for politics. Thank you, Mr. President, for honoring us with your service. Thanks for making this country a better place. And thanks for reminding us that sometimes America prefers assholes even when there’s an angel standing right fucking there.

Y’all have a blessed P-Day, and we’ll see you back here tomorrow. Until then, here’s Dan Aykroyd as President Carter in an SNL all-timer…

And here’s the Allman Brothers singing Ain’t Wastin’ Time No More…

Note two: Also, we wanted to give a quick shout out to hospice care workers who are actual angels here on earth. Thank you for taking good care of a good man.

Note three: Some breaking news here… President Biden has made a surprise visit to Ukraine to visit President Zelensky on Presidents day. Hell yeah!

Note four: Have a great day, everybody!

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