1.8.24 SCOTUS hates women

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we describe the sick, dumb motherfuckers who think there were two sides to Jan. 6.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Oh awesome. When we try that the damn thing usually catches on fire. We had a pretty good weekend too. Except for the parts where we felt like total goddamn morons. You see we realized yesterday just how fucking stupid we were when we thought there was no way Meet the Press could get any shittier than it was when Chuck Todd was at the helm.

By now you’ve probably seen this clip of Elise “I heart George Santos” Stefanik calling the cop-beating terrorists of Jan. 6 “hostages” and Meet the Press host Kristen Welker not saying a damn thing about it…

Shameful. For both of them. And Meet the Press wasn’t alone. This weekend we saw the New York Times, the Associated Press, USA Today and a number of other news organizations attempting to both-sides an actual literal attack on the US Capitol and our democracy that injured 150 cops. It’s a pretty upsetting and unsettling start to a crucial election year, and we are pretty fucking pissed off about it. So we decided to interview Meet the Press…

TBS: So what’s your fucking problem?

MTP: We need to move on.

TBS: From this interview or from the attack on the United States you don’t seem to give a shit about?

MTP: Both?

TBS: Did you ever think you’d get worse than when Chuck was there?

MTP: I’m as surprised as you guys are. But I’m also super gullible and will believe just about anything.

TBS: That seems like a bad trait for a supposedly tough news interview program.

MTP: Seriously we need to move on.

TBS: Where were you on Jan. 6?

MTP: That’s all the time we have for this week.

Well that ain’t great. Sigh. Once again TBS will have to step up and do the hard stuff that our gutless mainstream media won’t. So no, they aren’t fucking hostages. They’re dumbfuck scumbags who assaulted a bunch of cops and tried to end our democracy. Fixed it for you, MTP. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Btw, Elise Stefanik is human garbage who won’t commit to certifying the 2024 election. So get ready for the next coup attempt. If the last one ever even ended. More: Axios

Note three: If you’re like us and you spent part of the weekend with steam coming out of your ears over the Jan. 6 revisionism, then please consider giving some money to Harry Dunn’s congressional campaign. It’s a nice way to support an American hero while telling bad people to go fuck themselves. More: ActBlue

Note four: Remember last week when a 17 year old with a gun murdered a sixth grader in an Iowa school? Well this weekend Trump told Iowans to “get over it.” It’s almost like he’s a heartless, monstrous piece of shit. More: HuffPost

Note five: We’re starting to think Lauren Boebert is not a classy person.

Note six: “So what?” That’s what Trump said when he was told the mob was going after Mike Pence. We said the same thing but we also didn’t send the mob. More: ABC

Note seven: Just a reminder that the US economy is rocking and fucking rolling under Dark Brandon aka Joey Jobs. More: Yahoo Finance

Note eight: MAGA Mike Johnson defended Trump’s Hitler bullshit this weekend. Seems like a bad thing for the Speaker of the House of Representatives to do. More: Messenger

Note nine: Speaking of MAGA Mike, he invited Biden to give the State of the Union on March 7. Let’s just hope Mike and his buddies don’t smear their shit on the Capitol walls again before the president arrives. More: NPR

Note 10: This weekend the Wall Street Journal reported that Elon Musk does a lot of drugs. So did Hunter Thompson, Keith Richards and Sam Youngman but it didn’t make them nazi transphobe fuckheads.

Note 11: Three cheers for New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy who last week signed a law allowing people who are 17 the chance to vote in the primaries if they will be turning 18 by the November election. Another Democrat who loves democracy and common goddamn sense. More: NJ Monitor

Note 12: So we like the Defense Secretary but what the effing fuck? Dude can’t just disappear with a medical emergency that sends him to the ICU and not tell anyone. More: NBC

Note 13: We started today’s TBS being somewhat critical of the mainstream media. And we didn’t even mention the New York Times speculating on whether Taylor Swift is actually bisexual. Seems like things are going great at the paper of record. More: CNN

Note 14: The lunatic traitors of the Michigan GOP met this weekend and voted to remove their lunatic traitor chairwoman. She said they don’t have the authority to do that so she ain’t leaving. Glad to see the Michigan GOP remains a well-oiled machine. More: CNN

Note 15: MSNBC let one of its best journalists walk out the door at the start of a crucial election year. Can’t be a coincidence can it?

Note 16: Joe Biden is heading to former Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson’s funeral today. Donald Trump spent the weekend making fun of John McCain. If you hear someone say these two men are the same, tell them to quit smoking bath salts. More: NBCDFW

Note 17: Also today, Biden is visiting Mother Emanuel Church in Charleston, South Carolina to remind Americans that hateful rhetoric becomes hateful action. Again, this is very different than anything Trump would do. More: USA Today

Note 18: So award season is officially underway? What did y’all like? We really enjoyed The Holdovers, Oppenheimer, Barbie and Killers of the Flower Moon. Highly recommend all of them.

Note 19: Y’all know we like to end on a happy note, so here’s a cool story about this kid becoming the first person to beat Tetris. We didn’t even know this could be done.

Note 20: And on that amazing note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all had a wonderful weekend and are ready to kick some ass this week. The Iowa caucuses are next Monday and that and Trump’s shocking weekend rants are a good reminder to get ready to do some serious winning this year. Love y’all!

Let’s go Brandon

So by now you know that Trump spent the weekend defending his attack on the US Capitol and calling on Joe Biden to release the people who injured cops and smeared their shit on the Capitol walls. But what we hope everyone noticed was the powerful and important speech President Biden gave on Friday outside of Valley Forge, Pennsylvania that reminded everyone that 1. Trump didn’t do jack shit while the Capitol was being attacked 2. That Trump is still lying about the election and what happened that day and 3. That Biden won and Trump is a “loser.” That last line was one of our favorites. The 2024 election is very much underway. Joe Biden has made it clear he’s the candidate who wants America to be a democracy. Trump has made clear he’s the candidate who wants to be a dictator. So what kind of America do we want to be?

More: AP

No shutdown?

It looks like congressional leaders actually came to a spending agreement that will keep the government open. Yeah, we’re shocked too. When he wasn’t defending Trump’s Hitler comments or lying about the 2020 election, MAGA Mike Johnson was making a deal with Chuck Schumer to fund the government with a topline number of $1.7 trillion. But of course House Republicans can still fuck this up before the government runs out of money in a couple weeks so fingers crossed.

More: CNBC

SCOTUS hates women

On Friday, the Supreme Court made big headlines by announcing they will take up the Colorado case and determine whether Trump can stay on the ballot despite his rather obvious insurrection against the United States. But they also did something else big that day — they told Idaho women to drop dead. Yeah, Idaho believes that there should not be exceptions to its strict anti-abortion laws for the life of the mother. SCOTUS ruled Friday that Idaho can enforce that ban until they make a final decision on the matter. So you have to wonder how many women will die in Idaho while the Supreme Court decides how many more women it wants to kill. What a totally normal fucking country we have. Democracy and women’s rights. That’s what this year is about. We either defend them or we lose them.

More: AP

Today’s clips

Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner drew ridicule on Sunday after former President Donald Trump’s daughter shared audio to X (formerly Twitter) of Kushner promoting a go-getter attitude to podcaster Lex Fridman. More: HuffPost

Barack Obama scored an Emmy win – his fifth – on Sunday during the Creative Arts Emmy Awards, taking home a statuette for outstanding narration for his Netflix documentary series “Working: What We Do All Day.” More: CNN