1.25.24 More threats

Be advised: This newsletter uses an assload of profanity. Today we’re gonna tell you why.

Note: TBS, why do you have to cuss so much and how did y’all get so goddamn sexy? Well, we’re glad you asked. And thank you. We can’t really explain the second part, but we figured we’d take a stab at trying to explain the first part.

The easiest answer is they started it. And by they, we mean Donald goddamn Trump.

Before Trump, political rhetoric was largely polite and poll-tested. It was at times poetic and wonkish and insidery and so fucking dull it made you want to cry. Then came Trump who wasn’t polite, poll-tested, poetic, wonkish, showered or dull. He was crass and rude and offensive and he smelled like shit. And to people who didn’t know any better, all that rude racist gobbledygook sounded like honesty. The days of arcane meaningless press release gibberish were gone. Voters needed authenticity, or at least something that sounded like it.

But for much of the media, that boring polite shit was just too sweet and too convenient and too traditional to give up on. So they kept using boring words to describe a horrifying nightmare. When we launched TBS, we said fuck that shit. We wanted it to sound like the desperate primal scream that had been building up inside us since Trump was sworn in. We wanted it to sound like the way people talk and especially the way people were talking about Trump. And that included a shitload of cussing. It is real talk for a really fucked up era.

So why the hell are we giving y’all this TBS history lesson? Because we watched this badass from the UAW make a damn good case for Joe Biden yesterday and it reminded us that for political speech to be effective, it needs to meet people where they live. So this year, let’s make sure we’re meeting the voters where they live and speaking their language. Even if that includes some f-bombs. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Oh and btw the UAW endorsed Dark Brandon yesterday. And this right here is how you endorse a motherfucker…

Note three: Trump is back in court today and just might testify. If he does, E. Jean Carroll is gonna own Mar-a-Lago. So go ahead and open your smelly yap, Donny Boy. More: NBC

Note four: You know how Matt Gaetz was accused of child rape but prosecutors let it go? Well apparently the House Ethics Committee is still on the case and even interviewed the victim. Try to imagine how the press would treat a Democratic member with this kind of gross cloud hanging over them. More: CNN

Note five: Mitch McConnell announced yesterday that Senate Republicans are walking away from a deal on border security and Ukraine funding because they don’t want to “undermine” Trump. So yeah, the surrender is complete. To both Trump and Putin. The tortoise continues to fade. More: NBC

Note six: Btw today is President Zelenksy’s birthday. Just sucks that Putin is the one getting the gift.

Note seven: We were told this lunatic was a moderate.

Note seven: Congratulations to Presidents Biden and Obama as Obamacare sign-ups hit a new record this enrollment period with more than 21 million Americans getting access to affordable healthcare. And Trump wants to take it all away. More: CNN

Note eight: Vice President Harris fired up and ready to go. And the press is finally noticing. More: CNN

Note nine: Susan Collins said she won’t endorse Trump. We bet you a bag of cuss words she endorses Trump. More: The Hill

Note 10: Are we the only ones who are worried that Texas is trying to provoke a war with the United States? Because that sure as shit looks like what they’re doing. More: The Hill

Note 11: Everybody try to act surprised that the Trump White House was on drugs.

Note 12: Fuck yeah, SPs! Montana Sen. Jon Tester raised $5.5 million last quarter! Tester’s seat is one we desperately need to keep so if you pitched in on this record haul, thank you! (h/t twitter)

Note 13: Thank you to Melissa Joan Hart and the other good folks who went to Capitol Hill yesterday to try and stop guns from killing our kids. Unfortunately the Republican Party is very much pro-guns-killing-our-kids. More: Politico

Note 14: We have no idea what’s going on with the Trump Georgia prosecution, but this report about Lindsey Graham might be the most Lindsey Graham thing we’ve ever seen. More: WSBTV

Note 15: Dan Phillips really is the worst.

Note 16: Ohio Republicans overrode a gubernatorial veto this week and banned gender-affirming care for kids. They’ll make a 10 year old rape victim leave the state for an abortion but we’re supposed to believe they care about kids. Fucking assholes. More: AP

Note 17: The Arizona GOP chairman has resigned in a story that really seems like it should have happened in Florida. More: CNN

Note 18: Jill Biden has invited Kate Cox to sit with her at the State of the Union. Sounds like Dark Brandon is gonna let Republicans have it on abortion. Good. More: CBS

Note 19: Y’all know we like to end on a happy note and today’s happy note is that Jon Steward is returning to the Daily Show. And since the rest of the media is either dying or kissing Trump’s ass, this is a pretty happy fucking note.

Note 20: And on that wonderful note, let’s go do some news! We’re so grateful to y’all for joining us and cussing with us. This newsletter is so much fun to do. Even on the days when we want to hide under the bed. Thanks for being Sexy Patriots, Sexy Patriots. Love y’all!

Dark Brandon!

The Biden economy continues to roll like a freight train out of hell. Today we learned that the economy grew at 3.3 percent last quarter, which was way above expectations. That brings the total growth for last year to 2.5 percent. Inflation is down. Wages are up. Oh and the S&P 500 just hit another record high. Don’t touch Joe Biden’s economy. You’ll burn your fingers.

More: CNBC

More threats

We’re used to being threatened by Donald Trump but it must be a new experience for Republican donors. Last night Trump put out a social media post threatening anyone who gives money to Nikki Haley, saying they would be “barred” from the world of MAGA. That almost makes us want to give money to Nikki Haley. Except not really. It’s fun watching Trump take a blowtorch to his own party as he totally loses his shit. And it will be fun to remember when Haley eventually endorses Trump.

More: NBC

Evil

To start today’s TBS we tried to explain why we cuss so much. We could’ve just shown you this story. We now know just how many rape survivors have been forced to give birth to their rapist’s child just like the Republican Party wanted. More than 64,500 pregnancies have resulted from rape in the 14 states that banned abortion. In Texas, there have been more than 26,000. This is fucking nauseating. What kind of sick goddamn country does shit like this? We don’t know about y’all but we plan on staying as angry as we are right now for a long damn while.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

​​With a filing on the bankruptcy court docket in New York entered Wednesday, Rudy Giuliani has officially been ordered to testify in person next month about the state of his finances in the wake of a court order that he pay the former election workers he defamed, Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, $148 million. More: Law & Crime

President Joe Biden’s granddaughter, Naomi Biden, hit out at Fox News host Jesse Watters over a segment on the conservative network that she said crossed a line. More: HuffPost

Former Trump White House adviser Peter Navarro will be sentenced Thursday for criminal contempt of Congress, with federal prosecutors saying he "thumbed his nose" at the House committee investigating the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol. More: NBC