1.23.24 Granite State of mind

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like Republicans took away basic rights from millions of women. Because that’s exactly what those sonsabitches did.

Note: Sexy Patriots! It’s so freaking great to see you today. Did you somehow get sexier and more patriotic since yesterday? You’ll have to tell us your secret. Us? We’re doing well. But we do have some stuff we’d like to cuss about today. Yes, that includes the Oscar nominations. But let’s start with Nikki “National Abortion Ban” Haley, who won all six votes in last night’s first votes in New Hampshire.

We’ve spent so much time laughing our asses off at Poop Map DeSantis and being horrified by the orange insurrectionist assface that we just haven’t spent that much time cussing out Nikki. That might be because it feels gross to pile on when she’s encountering the racism she denies exists and it might be because there’s just no way in hell she’s going to actually win. Regardless, we still think we should tell y’all how much she sucks. And she really really sucks.

She also said that she would pardon Trump for Jan. 6, that Trump and Biden are just as bad and oh yeah she couldn’t say that slavery was the cause of the Civil War. In other words, she’s just a Trump Republican with less make-up and one less insurrection under her belt. We understand rooting for her to take away from Trump and make clear that he is a weak candidate. And we are thrilled to see stories like the one linked below about how almost half of her voters prefer Biden to Trump. But let’s not forget for one second that she is truly awful.

So let’s go, Nikki. We’re rooting for you tonight. Then we’ll go back to hoping you eat shit. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Politico

Note two: By the way, here’s that story on Dixville Notch, a silly but fun New Hampshire tradition that probably made Trump shart ketchup last night. More: ABC

Note three: We’ll touch more on this in the news section, but if you’re in New Hampshire and registered to vote WRITE IN JOE BIDEN please. Yesterday we learned of some really shady robocalls telling people to stay in and not vote for the president. Thank goodness Democratic voters are smarter than that. More: HuffPost

Note four: Let’s talk about the Oscars for a second. Barbie got fucked. Greta Gerwig is a genius who does not deserve this kind of bullshit treatment from the academy. And frankly neither does Margot Robbie. It’s nice to be upset about something other than the possible end of American democracy. More: People

Note five: Let’s see what Trump thinks about it. Oh gosh. Does anyone here speak deranged scumbag? This is some authentic fascist gibberish…

Note six: If y’all want to see some seriously repugnant bullshit, look no farther than — surprise — Texas, where a school superintendent took out an ad to defend suspending a Black student over his hairstyle. The racist assholes in this country are really feeling themselves these days. More: Messenger

Note seven: There was a US Senate debate in California last night. The Democrats all did well. We’re staying out of the primary but Katie Porter might have finished Republican Steve Garvey before he could even get started. More: Fox LA

Note eight: Trump spent part of last night cheering on QAnon slogans and promising to pardon the Jan. 6 garbage. So when New Hampshire votes for him tonight, let’s not act surprised and pretend they didn’t know what they were doing. More: Mediaite

Note nine: To all the people who show up at Trump rallies to protest and remind him how much he sucks, we’d like to say thank you. It’s so fun to see how much it bothers him. Keep up the great work!

Note 10: We approve of the Biden campaign’s social media efforts. This is well done. And accurate.

Note 11: Ron DeSantis is still a total loser who is no longer running for president.

Note 12: Gross. Elon Musk, who has given Nazis everywhere a voice, went to Auschwitz yesterday and called himself “aspirationally Jewish.” This guy is cringe but only if cringe means stupid and dangerous. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Seriously. How the fuck are you gonna nominate Ken and not Barbie?

Note 14: You know how we’ve been down on the media for their both-sides bullshit and kid-glove treatment of Trump? Well we’re not alone. A new Gallup survey finds that Democrats are losing faith in journalists. More: Semafor

Note 15: We’ll talk more about this in the news section but we wanted to make sure y’all saw the Vice President bringing the heat yesterday…

Note 16: The E. Jean Carroll trial has been delayed by a couple of days because people got COVID. They’re supposed to be back at it tomorrow morning. Trump has used the time to relentlessly attack Carroll. So we’re excited for the trial to come back. More: Business Insider

Note 17: RIP to Dexter Scott King, the youngest son of Dr. Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King. He died of prostate cancer. He was 62. More: CNN

Note 18: What was Tim Scott’s reward for endorsing Trump? Well Trump made jokes about Scott getting engaged. Seriously why the hell do people do this to themselves? More: HuffPost

Note 19: Y’all know we like to end on a happy note and today we’re ending on the fact that the Dow closed above 38,000 for the first time ever yesterday. We know the stock market isn’t the economy but it’s nuts people think Trump is better at this shit than Biden. More: Market Watch

Note 20: And on that encouraging note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are having a lovely week so far, and we just know it’s going to get better after you watch some New Hampshire election returns tonight. Or maybe not. Shit will still be pretty scary tomorrow. Love y’all!

Granite State of mind

New Hampshire is going to the polls today. So we’ll be waiting to see if Nikki Haley was able to put a dent in Trump’s momentum or if someone named Dan Phillips had any success in fucking with Joe Biden. Maybe we’re crazy but this race has seemed like Biden vs. Trump to us for a long time. Still, it’s fun to go through the process. We’ll be back tomorrow with a full cussing analysis of what went down. And we’ll probably be telling Don Phillips to fuck off a lot.

More: CNN

Too close

Yesterday the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the US federal government can cut through razor wire that Texas has placed on a stretch of the border. This should have been a no-brainer and not a split decision. So yeah fucking yikes. Texas Gov. Greg Abbot is now openly trying to kill migrants and start a war with the United States and four members of the Supreme Court are cool with both. What’s even scarier is watching total chuds like Rep. Chip Roy call on Abbot to defy the court. And all the while Republicans are refusing to actually do anything on the border other than pose for pictures and say awful shit.

More: AP

Let’s fucking go

We already showed you a clip of VP Harris’s powerful speech yesterday in Wisconsin and hopefully you have seen the new ads the campaign dropped this week about restoring abortion rights. For people asking if the Biden campaign understands the urgency and the danger, we’d say this week has been a resounding yes. Donald Trump killed Roe v. Wade and stripped basic human rights from millions of women. We’re not going to fucking forget even if the pundits do.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

The sleepy race for U.S. Senate in California jolted awake on Monday evening as the candidates sparred for the first time on stage in Los Angeles, putting on display sharp divisions over congressional spending, money in politics, and the Israel-Hamas conflict. More: HuffPost

The Los Angeles Times is in disarray. The Dr. Patrick Soon-Shiong-owned newspaper, which houses the largest newsroom in the western U.S., has been thrown into a state of mayhem as severe layoffs loom and senior editorial leaders abruptly call it quits. More: CNN