1.19.24 Thanks, Ds

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it is fucking sick of winter.

Note: Sexy Patriots! You did it! You made it to the weekend. It was a short week, but we still think you did great and should treat yourself this weekend. In fact, we’re giving you the day off. Yeah, that’s right. Today we want to chat with the New Hampshire Sexy Patriots so the rest of y’all go get a hot chocolate and we’ll catch you in the next note.

Hey there, Granite State SPs. How are you? Yeah, we get it but it will be over soon. In fact, y’all are voting on Tuesday. And if you’re not crossing over to fuck with Republicans, then you’ll presumably be voting in the Democratic primary. And we wanted to ask you a favor — please write in Joe Biden. We realize that’s probably not a huge ask, but we know some of y’all are sore at Dark Brandon for trying to reshuffle the primary calendar. We understand your anger, but we just think voting for some asshead nobody named Dean Phillips is the wrong way to get back at Joe. Like have you seen who this fucking loser hangs out with?

LOL. Dude. Seriously? Last week, Dean was hanging with Elon Musk and Bill Ackman, two of the most insufferable pricks on the planet, and this week he’s with Andrew Yang? Was Vivek too busy? Did herpes not return Dean’s call? We have no idea why this miserable tool thinks he’s gonna be president, but we’d sure love it if y’all could help disabuse him of that notion.

We get that people are frustrated with Biden. He’s the president of the United States. Americans are usually frustrated with the person who has that job. But he’s pretty fucking good at it, and we’d sure be grateful if y’all could write in his name on the ballot and make clear to the world that we’re not interested in Trump or some self-important nobody like Dan Phillips. Or whatever the fuck his name is. Thanks, NH! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If you’d like to hear more of our thoughts on New Hampshire and Biden and Sam just straight up going off on the chickenshits in the Senate GOP, then please subscribe to our podcast This Week’s Big Stuff. Hear Adam and Sam cuss about the news instead of just reading it. And you’ll be helping us keep Today’s Big Stuff alive when the rest of the news media is being bought and destroyed by billionaire buttlicks.

Note three: Speaking on Don Phillips, WaPo has a scoop on the Silicon Valley tech bros who are trying to use him to hurt Biden. We spent most of our lives thinking nothing could be worse than a Wall Street d-bag. And then came the Silicon Valley bros. More: Washington Post

Note four: It was bad that we had the year as 2023 in yesterday’s TBS. It was even worse that none of us noticed until almost 8 pm last night. Sorry!

Note five: Is this good? This seems good.

Note six: Oh loo, the S&P just reached an all-time high this morning. Seems pretty good to us.

Note seven: Joe Biden just canceled another $5 billion in student loans. Why do we keep seeing people online saying he has ignored this issue? Do people just secretly want orange fascism? More: CNBC

Note eight: Sorry but we’re still laughing about Dan Phillips getting owned by Andrew Yang at his own event. That’s some embarrassing shit.

Note nine: So we didn’t mention this before because we thought for sure Republicans would find a way to take this from us, but Louisiana is actually adding a second majority-Black congressional district. Yay!!! More: AP

Note 10: This looks like the beginning of the grossest Moms for Liberty orgy ever…

Note 11: Bravo to Rep. Dan Goldman for introducing a censure resolution against Elise Stefanik for calling Jan. 6 scum “hostages.” Democrats need to keep making Republicans defend this indefensible shit. More: Axios

Note 12: Speaking of Democrats fighting back, can someone tell us why Senate Democrats are so goddamn weak when it comes to Trump? More: New Republic

Note 13: This week the civility police came after Democrats for taking a swipe at Asa Hutchinson for being a joke candidate. Maybe they should’ve saved some of that pearl-clutching for the horrible crazy shit coming out of Matt Gaetz’s mouth. More: New Republic

Note 14: Mike Pence’s chief of staff endorsed Trump. Maybe he was worried about being hung if he didn’t. Or maybe he’s just a soulless scumbag. More: Axios

Note 15: Last weekend, CBS Sunday told Kate Cox’s story. More news organizations should be doing the same. Because we can guaran-fucking-tee you that there are many many many Kate Coxes out there.

Note 16: Yet another of House Republicans star witnesses against Hunter Biden said yesterday he had no idea what the hell they were talking about. Hunter has agreed to sit for a deposition though, giving those same Republicans more to lie about and Politico more water to carry. More: Messenger

Note 17: It looks like Trump has succeeded in delaying his Jan. 6 trial by once again abusing the US legal system and enlisting the help of his bullshit Supreme Court. More: Politico

Note 18: Congratulations to Green Day, who have a new album out today. We’d like to congratulate them on many years of pissing off right-wing assholes. Also, Dookie is an all-timer. More: Daily Beast

Note 19: And y’all know we like to end on a happy note and today that means a happy birthday note to no other than the incomparable American hero Dolly freaking Parton. Y’all know we are huge fans. But who the hell isn’t? So happiest of birthdays to a goshdamn national treasure.

Note 20: And on that awesome fucking note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all had a fantastic week and we hope you have an even fantasticker weekend. We’re so dang glad to y’all for joining us, and we’ll see you back here next week. Love y’all!

Thanks, Ds

So the government isn’t shutting down thanks to Democrats. Again. Because unless it’s huffing orange ass fumes, Republicans are totally fucking useless these days. Yeah, so yesterday the Senate passed a continuing resolution to keep the government open and the House did the same except about half the people in the majority couldn’t be bothered to vote for it. The really fucked up thing is that all these punts have been until March and that’s when shit is gonna get really fucked up. Will MAGA Mike lose his job or will he try to make lots and lots of Americans lose theirs?

More: CNN

Let’s do this

We know there are Democrats who aren’t crazy about Tom Suozzi. But whatever your problems are with him, we promise it would be way worse to lose a special election for George fucking Santos’s seat. So let’s rally around Tom and bring this thing home. We got some new polling in the special election — which is less than a month away — and it’s a nailbiter with Suozzi leading 45-42. Let’s do this!!!

More: Emerson College Polling

Who the hell is Nimbra?

It’s pretty hilarious watching CNN try to make Nikki Haley a real candidate just because she’s the only one who will do their silly town halls. But it’s just fucking sad watching her repeatedly say that America is not a racist country at the very same time Trump is unleashing a racist birther campaign against her. Our advice to Nikki is to get some respect for herself and for the American people. And our advice for Trump is to fuck off and stop being a racist piece of shit. We don’t think either of them care about our advice though.

More: The Hill, HuffPost

Today’s clips

Charles Barkley laughed at Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley on Wednesday after she claimed that America has “never been a racist country.” The NBA icon, on the latest episode of his CNN show “King Charles” with Gayle King, chuckled at a clip of the former United Nations ambassador making the claim during an appearance on “Fox & Friends” Tuesday. More: HuffPost

Americans’ attitudes on the economy are improving substantially as inflation slows. The University of Michigan’s latest consumer survey showed that consumer sentiment improved this month, soaring 13% from December, according to a preliminary reading released Friday. Sentiment reached its highest level since July 2021. More: CNN