11.9.23 Go Joe!
It’s Thursday. There are 363 days until the presidential election. The GOP tries to defund the vice freaking president, James Comer might be a hypocritical scumbag and Biden heads to Illinois for a victory lap.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity like Republicans didn’t learn shit on Tuesday.
Note: Well how the hell are you, Sexy Patriots? Worn out from shaking your hot asses in celebration of Tuesday’s election results? Yeah, us too. And not only did we win a lot, we also learned a lot too. And one of the main things we learned is that Republicans and the media didn’t learn a goddamn thing Tuesday even though the American people were handing out lessons left and right.
Ohio House Speaker Jason Stephens: “I remain steadfastly committed to protecting life, and that commitment is unwavering. The legislature has multiple paths that we will explore to continue to protect innocent life. This is not the end of the conversation.”
— Andrew Tobias (@AndrewJTobias)
Nov 8, 2023
LOL! WHAT?! And that dumb motherfucker wasn’t alone. Jupiter Diddlehopper (JD) Vance said some of the same shit while also calling women who get abortions murderers. We’re beginning to think these assholes who are desperate to control women’s bodies are also dumber than dog shit. Our response? Keep firing, assholes.
Yes, that is a quote from Spaceballs, and yes we have used it many times before. But it just seems so perfect. We’re surrounded by assholes who can’t find the target but they just keep firing. And as people who like it when Democrats win elections, we’re kinda cool with that. It would be our preference that they stop being creepy fuckheads who hate women but that ship seems to have sailed a long damn time ago. So instead we’ll just have to keep paying attention to the horrible shit they keep saying and doing and then going to the ballot box to whoop their dumb asses to hell and back.
Keep firing, assholes. And we’ll keep winning. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We’ve used that line so much we should probably include the clip for those who have never seen the movie. Also, y’all should really see the movie. It’s fantastic.
Note three: One programming note — Since we’re celebrating Veterans Day on Friday and since we’re not Trump who thinks veterans are “suckers and losers,” we’re going to be taking the day off. We’ll plan on seeing y’all back here Monday. If you subscribe to the podcast, please don’t worry. You should get a notification on Patreon when Friday’s episode is posted.
Note four: If you think Democrats are done running to save abortion, think again. As much as we hate to link to Axios, this is an important story about how our party is hustling to put abortion rights on the ballot in several important states. We say why stop there? Put it on the ballot in every fucking state. More: Axios
Note five: And like we said in the opening note, Republicans haven’t learned a goddamn thing. We’re not gonna spend a ton of time on last night’s GOP debate because honestly who gives a shit? But those dumbasses aren’t stopping and so we can’t either. More: HuffPost
Note six: We do want to say that we agree with Nikki Haley that Vivek is scum. We’d also like to point out that Nikki Haley is too. More: HuffPost
Note seven: Ivanka was on the witness stand yesterday. Turns out she’s got no memory. Or soul. More: AP
Note eight: HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD!!! The actors’ strike is finally over! Once again, workers fought for what’s right and won. This seems to happen a lot in Biden’s America. Now how soon can we get some new episodes of Abbott Elementary? More: CNN
Note nine: And while we’re talking entertainment, HUGE congratulations to Tracy Chapman on winning a CMA award for Song of the Year. Yeah, Tracy’s Fast Car — an all-time banger — was covered by a country singer and Tracy got the hardware, making her the first Black songwriter to win the award. More: CNN
Note 10: We all know Dean Phillips sucks dirty hog nuts. Turns out everyone else knows it too.
Dean Phillips's image is underwater among national Democrats: 19% favorable, 26% unfavorable
— Aaron Blake (@AaronBlake)
Nov 9, 2023
Note 11: Virginia voters didn’t just save abortion rights on Tuesday. They also made history by ensuring that Don Scott will be the first Black Speaker of the House of Delegates. Pretty damn remarkable considering that state’s history. Congrats! More: WVTF
Note 12: The piece of shit who attacked Nancy Pelosi’s husband is going on trial today. We say lock his ass up and throw away the key. We’re guessing Elon and Trump and the rest of the human garbage feel differently. More: HuffPost
Note 13: Yesterday in the news section we told you how Joe Biden just got his 150th judge confirmed. But we missed two really important details — 100 of them are women and 98 of those women are women of color. Joe Biden is making the bench look like the nation. More: HuffPost
Note 14: We’ve done a lot of celebrating over Tuesday’s victories but we haven’t done nearly enough celebrating of Moms for Liberty eating shit. Let’s correct that, shall we? More: KCRG
Note 15: The New York Times seems angrier about Tuesday’s results than the GOP. Damn liberal media.
Note 16: Trump wants Tucker Carlson to be his running mate? Are we really that lucky? More: The Wrap
Note 17: How did we miss this? Antonin Scalia’s daughter lost an election. Yay!!! More: The Advocate
Note 18: Glen Youngkin says he’s not running for president. Guess getting his ass kicked up and down the ballot Tuesday was a sign. More: Axios
Note 18: You know how we said Republicans didn’t learn a goddamn thing Tuesday? Well in Michigan, Right to Life is suing to block the abortion rights law that voters overwhelmingly approved. So yeah, keep firing, assholes. More: CBS
Note 19: Even a broken piece of shit clock is right twice a day…
Ramaswamy: We’ve become a party of losers
— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ)
Nov 9, 2023
Note 20: And on that rather amusing note, let’s go do some news! Thank you so much for the weekend we’re about to have, Sexy Patriots. We are smiling and hopeful and fired up for next year thanks to you and the victories you delivered this week. We’re just getting warmed up. Love y’all!
Keep firing etc.
So the day after getting their asses whooped for being out-of-touch extremist shitheads, Republicans decided to double down on being out-of-touch extremist shitheads. Yesterday 106 House Republicans voted to defund Vice President Kamala Harris’s office. Which we suppose is slightly better than when they tried to kill the last dude to hold the office. And then today they introduced an amendment to reduce White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. Gosh. It sure is hard to see what they have in common. Keep being dicks, GOP. And we’ll keep winning.
Impeach his ass
James Comer wants to impeach Joe Biden for loaning his brother $200,000. Yeah, apparently that’s proof of corruption or some shit. But it turns out, Comer did the same shit except under way shadier circumstances. The Daily Beast has a scoop this morning about what a hypocritical fuckhead Comer really is. We can’t help but wonder how many CNN and Politico reporters missed this because they were too busy carrying Comer’s water. Maybe the press should stop taking this asshole so seriously.
More: Daily Beast
Dark Brandon is Illinois-bound for a victory lap as an auto plant reopens with workers getting more money and a better deal. Biden is heading to Belvidere, Illinois where the Stellantis plant is ready to get back to work. There, Biden will appear with UAW president Shawn Fain. What Joe Biden has done for working people in this country is nothing short of amazing and it’s about goddamn time he started getting some credit.
More: ABC7 Chicago
Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC), whose single status had reportedly concerned potential Republican donors, publicly introduced his girlfriend after the Republican debate on Wednesday. The conservative lawmaker had previously withheld her identity and kept her out of the public eye on the campaign trail. More: HuffPost