1.17.24 Sending love

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it just went outside and froze its goddamn ass off.

Note: So you wanna hear something fucked up, SPs? LOL of course you do. Why else would you subscribe to this cussing newsletter? So about that thing that’s fucked up — it seems that shockingly large numbers of people don’t think Trump is going to be running for president this fall. Yeah, we’ve never seen wishful thinking poll like this.

According to a YouGov poll from last week, 45 percent of Democratic adults do not believe Trump will be the Republican nominee. If you’re like us and have wondered why in the holy fuck Trump continues to poll the way he does, then this might help explain it. And honestly we get it. The dirty motherfucker is a rapist who has been indicted on 91 counts, attacked the US Capitol three years ago and can’t dance for shit. Who in their right mind would think a piece of human garbage like that could be a major party nominee? Well, Republicans. That’s who.

And the rest of us better wrap our heads around it fast. Sure, we hope Trump is too convicted and imprisoned to run a few months from now, but we figure we should go ahead and run against him and take him seriously just in case America’s justice system is broken. Hopefully the results in Iowa will start waking people the fuck up about just how real the orange threat is. And if it didn’t, just shoot us a note and we’ll come to your house with a bucket of cold water, some nipple clamps and some Jan. 6 footage. One way or another, we’ll get your attention.

Let’s hope this weird little polling nugget explains why people don’t seem all that worried about what could happen to America in November. Otherwise this country might just be fucked. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Business Insider

Note two: Despite the harsh warning in that opening note, we don’t want y’all to panic. Well at least not too much. Take heart in what our VP had to say yesterday and then let’s get to work making it happen…

Note three: Vivek Ramaswamy is still out of the presidential race. We know that’s old news by now, but we just like saying it.

Note four: Btw, that pathetic loser endorsed Trump yesterday. We’re pretty sure nobody gave a shit. More: NBC

Note five: Peter Navarro had a rough day yesterday. His appeal was denied. Guess he should’ve talked to the Jan. 6 committee. He’s getting sentenced next week. LOL. More: AP

Note six: Imagine saying something this dumb while Trump is running a birther campaign against you.

Note seven: Do you live in New Hampshire? If so, you must be freezing. Also, please don’t forget to write in Joe Biden. It’s a nice way to keep democracy going while telling Dean Phillips to eat shit. More: NBC

Note eight: Speaking of Phillips — and no one is — that dumb, desperate d-bag is giving interviews where he praises Trump’s presidency. This dude just continues to prove he really knows what Democratic primary voters are looking for. LOL. Drop out, dude. More: Guardian

Note nine: Happy birthday to former First Lady Michelle Obama! Let’s hope Melania doesn’t try to steal this too.

Note 10: The miserable scum who murdered five people at Club Q in Colorado Springs was charged with federal hate crimes. More: NBC

Note 11: HUGE congratulations to Florida Democrats who flipped a statehouse seat near Orlando last night. The road back to blue starts here. We hope.

Note 12: Chuck Grassley is in the hospital. We have nothing to add. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Did y’all know someone named Ryan Binkley is running for president? We didn’t either. And we swear we’re not making this up. More: Des Moines Register

Note 14: Dark Brandon is going after overdraft fees. As Dark Brandon would say, god love him. More: CNBC

Note 15: Democrats got some great news last night as walking jinx Ted Cruz endorsed the man who called his wife ugly. More: Texas Tribune

Note 16: So we’re not scientists but does anyone know if there’s a way to clone this dude?

Note 17: Has anyone seen Anatomy of a Fall? If so, can you please explain it to us. We watched it the other night and we’re stumped.

Note 18: Sean Hannity said that Rachel Maddow isn’t a real journalist. We don’t know how he did it with his lips attached to an orange ass. More: HuffPost

Note 19: We like to end on a good note and today that good note is Democrat Colin Allred raising $4.8 million in the fourth quarter to take on Cruz. We know it’s important to focus on defending our incumbents, but we like this candidate and we don’t like Cruz. More: Texas Tribune

Note 20: And on that encouraging note, let’s go do some news! Has the cold and the polls got you down? Well hang in there, SPs. Spring and better polling will be here before you know it. And if neither of them shows up, you can count on us to cuss them out. Love y’all!

Stoned

So remember how Mediaite broke the story that Roger Stone was on tape with a former NYPD cop talking about assassinating Democratic US Reps. Eric Swalwell and Jerry Nadler? And remember when we were all asking why the fuck Stone hadn’t been arrested for that shit? Well now we know the FBI and Capitol police are investigating the threats. So let us all bow our heads and hope like hell that Stone ends up in prison where his deranged scummy ass belongs.

More: CNN

Called off

So ABC and WMUR in New Hampshire had planned to hold another Republican debate ahead of the Granite State’s primary, but they canceled it when it appeared that Ron DeSantis was gonna be the only person who showed up. And honestly that’s a pretty good reason. Yeah, Nikki Haley said she wouldn’t attend because the only person she wants to debate is Trump. And Trump won’t attend because the Republican Party is a cult and they don’t give a shit about debates. It’s sad seeing another important democratic norm fall, but we’re honestly not sorry that we don’t have to watch this silly shit.

More: WMUR

Sending love

She doesn’t need any help from us, but E. Jean Carroll is expected to testify today and we want to send our love and support. Especially since Trump and his television lawyer seem like they are planning to be grotesquely aggressive with Carroll. It’s really astonishing how much courage she has in taking these sick fuckers on again and again. Neither the Republican Party nor the news media have been able to do it once. Go get ‘em, E. Jean!

More: CNN

Today’s clips

The Senate on Tuesday roundly rejected a proposal requiring the State Department to produce a human rights report on Israel’s policies, including its controversial U.S.-backed offensive in Gaza ― the highest-profile response by lawmakers so far to mounting public pressure for a change in Washington’s approach in the Middle East. More: HuffPost

Americans overall have a surprising degree of satisfaction with their economic situation, according to findings from the Axios Vibes survey by The Harris Poll. More: Axios