11.16.23 Normal president stuff

Be advised: This newsletter cusses like it pays attention to all the fucked up shit going on.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, the good news is that Congress has left town. The bad news is they’ll probably come back at some point. We don’t need to rehash how much dumb and almost violent shit happened this week and we certainly don’t need to tell you that Marjorie Taylor Greene is dumber than a detached buttcheek. But we did want to share with you this rather awkward and shockingly honest confession from one of the members of the asshead caucus…

We never thought we’d say this about this particular asshead, but that dumb motherfucker is righter than rain. We just wish Politico, Punchbowl, the Washington Post, the New York Times and about 74 million Americans would pay the fuck attention to what he’s saying. But just this one time because usually the dumb shit that comes out of his mouth would make raw sewage blush.

This ain’t rocket science, SPs. Democrats spent two years getting shit done for America and Republicans spend all their time trying to fuck electrical sockets when they’re not trying to fuck democracy or the economy. If our country can’t see the difference, then we’re not real goddamn sure how to show them. But let’s keep trying anyway, shall we? Maybe we can even enlist Dumbfuck there to help us out. Or maybe not. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Or maybe we should just pay to make sure every American hears this miserable dingus talking about ghost buses. Goddamn that’s dumb. Like really really really fucking dumb. More: HuffPost

Note three: Seriously?! Fucking ghost buses?! Give us the strength to not crawl back in bed.

Note four: Trump is at war with Kim Kardashian. Goddamn everything is so stupid. Is it cool if we skip the details and just continue hating them both? More: HuffPost

Note five: Apparently Markwayne is a biter. But most Markwaynes are.

Note six: What the effing fuck is happening at Univision? More: Variety

Note seven: We don’t know what happened at the DNC last night so we don’t want to say something dumb. We do know the DNC doesn’t have much sway on foreign policy though. More: CNN

Note eight: It’s not the most comforting thing in the world to read that story and then remember our convention is in Chicago next summer. Oof. Let’s all just try not to think about it for now.

Note nine: There have been some big doings in Virginia since voters kicked major ass there last week. Abigail Spanberger has announced she is running for governor and Eugene Vindman has announced he’s running for her House seat. We tend to stay out of primaries but both these candidates would be fucking awesome for Virginia. More: CNN

Note 10: John Fetterman always speaks the truth. Always.

Note 11: We can’t believe we need to fucking say this but Osama bin Laden was not a good guy. Like quite the opposite. Sigh. More: Rolling Stone

Note 12: It seems pretty fucking awful to us that Elon Musk has once again shown the world what a dangerous antisemite he is. Maybe the US government should stop doing so much business with him. More: Media Matters

Note 13: The House Ethics Committee’s report on George Santos is out. We haven’t had a chance to read it yet but he’s obviously guilty and they need to boot his lyin’ ass out of Congress. More: NBC

Note 14: WaPo has done a lot of shit journalism lately. But this report on the AR-15 and the horrifying evil damage it does is important. More: Washington Post

Note 15: Don’t forget to tell your friends that this is the kind of stuff Democrats are doing while Republican senators talk about biting people.

Note 16: That ethics report shows “substantial evidence” of criminal wrongdoing. LOL. Yeah, no shit. More: Politico

Note 17: The Biden campaign called out the shitty coverage of the New York Times. We had to link to this shitty Fox story about it because mainstream outlets don’t seem to give a rat’s ass. That said, the Biden campaign is exactly right. More: Fox

Note 18: We fucking love stories about how much people hate Ron DeSantis. But also we understand if you’ve completely forgotten who Ron DeSantis is. More: NPR

Note 19: We like to end on a happy note and this is the best we’ve got today — as part of Biden’s diplomacy with China (more in the news section below), President Xi said the country will send the US more pandas. We fucking love pandas so this makes us very happy. More: CNN

Note 20: And on that adorable note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are having an awesome week. And if you haven’t been bitten by a Republican US Senator, we’d say that qualifies. If you have been bitten by a Republican US Senator, go get your shots. You don’t know where that fucker has been. Love y’all!

God he sucks

Joe Manchin is warning that a second Trump term would mean the end of democracy. He’s also saying he might run for president on a third-party bid. Yes those two statements together are idiotic. But so is Joe Manchin. Wouldn’t it be great if the press would ask him why he thinks the American people want a career politician who lined his pockets while doubling child poverty? Or would that be too obvious? As always, fuck Joe Manchin.

More: NBC

About damn time

Hey remember that coup attempt from a few years ago? Well Nevada’s Attorney General is looking into it. No, we have no idea why this is just now happening either. The state AG is looking at six fake Republican electors and that’s about all we know at this point. But isn’t it stunning to consider how many people tried to end American democracy and basically got a pass for it?

More: AP

Normal president stuff

Joe Biden is at a conference in California with world leaders and he has had a pretty successful set of exchanges with the president of China. Aside from the awesome panda news, the two leaders also agreed that the two nations’ militaries should be in contact again. We couldn’t agree more. Helps to avoid misunderstandings. But Biden also hasn’t rolled over for Xi like Trump likes to do. In fact, Dark Brandon seems to have pissed off the Chinese by calling Xi a dictator. Which of course he is. To us this looks like a well executed balance required for high level foreign policy with an adversary. Well done, Dark Brandon.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

With only 21 bills making it into law halfway into November, the 118th Congress, controlled by Republicans in the House and Democrats in the Senate, is on the most sluggish pace to make law since the Congress that met during 1931 and 1932. More: HuffPost

Intense rain in parts of Florida has submerged neighborhoods, turned roads into rivers, closed schools and left more than 108,000 customers without power. More: CNN