10.6.23 Tangerine traitor

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity except on Fridays. Naw we’re just fucking with you. We cuss on Fridays too.

Note: What a freaking week, Sexy Patriots! To think, when we started this week the US had a Speaker of the House! LOL! What a fucking mess. But surely this week was as bad as it’s gonna get, right? Or not…

What the effing fuck?! That dirty rotten sonofabitch has some goddamn nerve. This is called returning to the scene of the fucking crime, y’all! After all, it was just two+ years ago that this orange scrotum face launched an attack against that same building with his army of crazy human garbage traitors. We caught up with one of those traitors yesterday to hear what they think of Trump returning to the Hill. So here now is an interview with Robbie the Capitol Shit Smearer…

TBS: Hey. So you’re one of those scumbags who smeared his shit on the Capitol walls?

Robbie the Capitol Shit Smearer: Hey guys! Yeah, that’s me. But you can just call me Robbie.

TBS: We’ll just stick with scumbag but thanks. So what do you think of Trump going to the Capitol next week?

Shit Smearer: Totally classless. I honestly can’t think of anything more inappropriate.

TBS: Really? Nothing at all?

Shit Smearer: Not one thing. Sure, I smeared my poop on the walls of the people’s house but I didn’t go back and do it again. That would just be tacky!

TBS: Um ok. So what’s your message to Trump?

Shit Smearer: I love you but don't do this. Just come to my house and we’ll crap on the walls together or I can bring some poo to Mar-a-Lago. But the Capitol has been through enough.

TBS: Get help, dude. And no, we ain’t shaking your hand.

Well there you have it. Even the scum who smeared their own feces on the walls of the United States Capitol think Trump should stay the fuck away. We have to agree. Let us all pray that’s the only thing we ever agree with this dude on. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: If y’all like our brand of cussing poop joke political coverage, then you’re gonna fuckin’ love our weekly podcast roundup. And by subscribing, you’ll be helping TBS continue to cuss and fight for democracy and cuss some more.

Note three: So overnight, Trump endorsed Gym Jordan to be Speaker which means he probably won’t go to the Capitol and we didn’t need to talk to Robbie the Shit Smearer. But it was good practice to get ready for a Speaker Gym Jordan. More: Politico

Note four: We have to admit, as people who like to get Democrats elected, we’re a little sad Trump isn’t going to make himself speaker. That would have been a great way to sweep at the ballot box next year.

Note five: Btw just yesterday Trump filed a motion to have Jack Smith’s case against him dismissed. Apparently he thinks attacking the Capitol and attempting a coup are covered under executive duties and he should be fine under presidential immunity. We call bullshit. Let’s hope a corrupt and broken SCOTUS will too. More: HuffPost

Note six: Don’t worry, everyone. The watchdogs are on top of shit. Or not.

Note seven: Wow. Can y’all believe that Vivek Ramaswamy is a goddamn fucking liar? Yeah we can too. More: HuffPost

Note eight: There’s been a lot of talk about Dianne Feinstein’s Senate seat and not as much about Dianne Feinstein the Senator. It’s a legacy worth studying and applauding. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Matt Gaetz says impeachment is a joke. Of course Gaetz is also a joke and just a gross sonofabitch but he is right here. More: NBC

Note 10: What a totally normal fucking country we have here.

Note 11: We almost can’t wait for the news section to talk about this jobs report. Like holy fucking shit, y’all!

Note 12: Glen Youngkin, who we were told is a moderate lol, has been taking people off voter rolls it seems. How moderate of him. Good call, WaPo! More: Axios

Note 13: Trump withdrew his defamation case against Michael Cohen. How not at all shocking. It’s almost like he’s just a coward with a big mouth and an army of deranged losers. More: NBC

Note 14: OHIO! The voter registration deadline in your beautiful state is Oct. 10. There’s so much important shit going on this November, so please register or make sure you’re registered.

Note 15: This seems bad. Is this bad?

Note 16: RIP to Dick Butkus. And RIP to our youths when we laughed every single time we said that name out loud. More: AP

Note 17: Do we all know how important the Pennsylvania Supreme Court race is? Because the fucking crazies do. More: Spotlight PA

Note 18: Adam Frisch is running against Lauren Boebert. He raised $3.4 million last quarter. Boebert raised like $800,000. And we hear she spent most of it on theater tickets. Bye-bye, Boebs. More: Politico

Note 19: Y’all know we like to end on a happy note, and there’s no happier note than we can think of than the MyPillow nutjob going flat broke. That deranged motherfucker spent a fortune trying to end our democracy. So fuck him. More: NBC

Note 20: And on that petty but hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all had a great week and we just know this is gonna be a fantastic weekend. Please make sure you’re taking care of yourself while fighting like hell to save democracy. It’s a marathon; not a sprint. Love y’all!

Well that’s one

Alabama has a new congressional district now that the courts have ordered the state to add a majority Black district. According to some dude on twitter, the district will go from a +29 Trump seat to a +12 Biden seat. So nice try being racist assholes, Alabama Republicans, but justice won. Now let’s add a few more to the win column so we don’t have to talk about shit like Gym Jordan being speaker.

More: AL

Tangerine traitor

So we knew Trump likes to give our national secrets away but this is fucking insane. Apparently Trump likes to tell foreign billionaires about our nuclear submarines, which are pretty much are most secret secrets. But because Hillary Clinton didn’t do this, the press has already largely moved on already. This is some seriously fucked up shit though. The billionaire he told this shit to then went on to tell lots and lots of other people. But we’re sure it stopped there. Right?

More: ABC

WOW!!!!

Folks, Joey Jobs has fucking done it again! We got the September jobs report this morning and you’re wanna handle this thing with gloves because it is HOT. The economy added 336,000 jobs which is quite a few more than the 170,000 economists were predicting (seriously who the fuck are these people and why are they always wrong?). Unemployment is at 3.8 percent and wage growth is up over inflation. If you meet someone who trusts Trump on the economy more than Biden, take the bath salts from them.

More: Yahoo Finance

Today’s clips

Republican Kari Lake and Rep. Ruben Gallego (D-Ariz.) put their beefs in their full upright position during a flight the senatorial candidates shared by chance on Thursday. More: HuffPost

Former Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo.) on Thursday didn’t mince her words about Rep. Jim Jordan, the Ohio Republican who is now running for the speaker’s gavel following the showdown that saw Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) voted out. More: HuffPost

Former Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani owes more than half a million dollars in federal taxes and faces a lien on a property he owns in Florida, according to a recent court filing. More: NBC